The drunken confessions of Professor Dumbledore
by MsHuntergrl
Summary: Dumbledore is dying. The curse of the horocrux-ring is slowly spreading through his body and only the potions of Professor Snape is keeping him alive. One night, while affected by these potions, he makes a confession.


**This is my first Harry Potter fanfiction, and admittably it is rather cliché (you'll understand soon enough). I hope to make it a bit more personal than other stories of this kind though. **

**English is not my first language, so I appologise for any errors in grammar or spelling. **

**Oh, and I'm not JK Rowling so I don't own Harry Potter, ok? **

* * *

It was a late evening and Severus Snape was just packing his things to return to his room. The moonlight shone through the windows of the headmaster's office at Hogwarts School of witchcraft and wizardry and fell upon the headmaster himself, Albus Dumbledore.

Behind the half-moon-shaped glasses the wise old eyes were getting unfocused and sleepy. It was the result of the potions served to him by Snape just moments ago. Since his hand had been injured from the horocrux-ring Snape had been responsible for keeping the elder man alive. It continued to require stronger and stronger potions for each passing week of sickness and the potion given to him this night was new and stronger than earlier.

As Snape packed the last of his potions bottles into the bag the headmaster began to mumble, eyes searching the room for something that only he knew. With the last bottle in the bag Snape closed said bag, picked it up and went for the door. He was positive that the headmaster would be ok and manage to get himself into bed soon enough.

- "Wait a moment Severus", Dumbledore asked, just as Snape laid his hand on the handle.

His voice was so urgent and clear that Snape stopped for a moment, hesitating, before he turned around and silently raised one eyebrow. Dumbledore looked upon the dark wizard in front of him and behind the unfocused surface something sad seemed to surface.

- "I haven't told you Severus", Dumbledore spluttered. "I haven't told you…"

Snape, guessing where this was going to lead, decided to stop by madam Pomfrey and ask her to check up on the headmaster later. Maybe that potion had been a little stronger than needed, but obviously the headmaster was in no pain from the injured hand.

- "I know that you appreciate what I do", Snape said, impatient on getting away. "Now, if you excuse me…"

- "No, not that Severus!"

Snape remained standing by the door. Wasn't it enough that he had remained loyal to the old man even when said man failed to protect the one woman that he, Snape, would ever love? That he risked his life to spy on the dark lord now when he had returned, brought invaluable intelligence to the Order? He even managed to somehow stand the Potter-boy, though exactly how he managed that still remained a mystery to him. Would he now have to listen to the drunken confessions of Dumbledore as well?

Dumbledore had managed to stand and was now walking up to Snape, steps a little wobbly but nothing that should risk him falling. Not that a broken leg would break the old man, Snape snorted silently for himself.

- "You don't know Severus", Dumbledore continued. "You don't know, because I haven't told you… and you really should know, you know?"

The line between genius and idiocy was very thin and it was becoming more and more obvious that with the help of the potions Snape had given him, Dumbledore had crossed that line and went from genius to idiot. Then again, Snape had always had his doubts of where the headmaster really stood.

- "You don't know", said headmaster continued to mumble. "I haven't told you, so you just don't know… but I should really tell you."

Much to Snape's horror a hand was raised to stroke his cheek, as if drying tears that Snape hadn't allowed himself to cry for years. The good hand, that wasn't black and useless and slowly killing its owner. Despite this Snape had no desire for the touch but reluctantly accepted it, if only for the fact that he couldn't very well hex the old man when he was so obviously affected by the potions.

- "You do so much for me Severus. So much… You do not deserve all the troubles I continue to cause you."

Tears were glistering in the old eyes, clearly visible in the moonlight. _Great, _Snape thought. _Now I'll have to listen to him confessing his sins to cure his bad conscience. _

- "I'll tell you everything, Severus", Dumbledore spoke determinately. "I'll tell you all I know, and then… then I'll pray that the next potion you serves me will not be lethal."

Though the final words surprised him Snape still did not want to listen to this. Somebody else could act as a good damned priest if Dumbledore felt that he needed to confess anything to anyone. He sure did enough that he didn't need to get this on his shoulders as well!

With a new determination in his eyes Dumbledore stepped away and began pacing the office, between the small tables with different items that continued to click and sound in the otherwise silent office.

- "I'll tell you about the child, Severus. You are going to hate me for it afterwards but at least then you won't hesitate to kill me when the time comes."

Those words brought a heavy feeling to Snape's chest. If he had been anyone else it would have been the last shards of his already broken heart that got even more hurt, but Severus Snape had no heart and therefore he ignored the feeling as unimportant.

- "I'll tell you about Lily's child, everything, and then…"

Quickly Dumbledore got silent as Snape spun around to leave the room. He risked his life like a good little spy for Dumbledore. He brew the potions that kept the old man alive, tutored the insolent brats that were students at this school but he would _not _listen to anything more Dumbledore had to say about Harry Potter! The son of his old bully may be the savior of the world but to Snape he was little more than a reminder of how unfair life could be.

- "Please Severus…" Dumbledore called after him.

- "I will not listen to another word about Harry Potter" Snape roared in a, for him, unusual outburst of emotions.

The heavy door swung open and hit the wall on the other side with a satisfying thud and Snape stomped over to the staircase, already heading towards the dungeons where he might get some peace. If not he would take a sleeping potion so that he at least could sleep through the night.

- "Not Harry, I'm talking about the other child Severus. I'm talking about Lily's daughter."

And those words were enough to halt his steps. He hated himself for listening to the headmaster, for allowing himself to get affected, but he turned around to face Dumbledore again, an emotionless mask on his face.

- "Lily's daughter?" he asked silently, to confirm that he had heard him correctly.

Eagerly Dumbledore nodded, almost as if he was begging Snape to understand. But Snape did not understand. As far as he knew Lily had only gotten one child, with Potter of all people, before she was murdered. Was there another child as well? A daughter?

When Snape slowly entered the office again and closed the door behind him, sensing that this would be a private conversation, Dumbledore sunk down in a chair in front of his desk. Snape summoned another chair and sat down as well, facing the elder wizard, waiting impatiently for him to explain himself.

- "Do you remember how hurt Lily was when you called her a mudblood, Severus?" Dumbledore asked.

Instantly he wanted to leave again but he remained sitting in the chair, only tensed a little more before he nodded to answer the question. He did remember, though he had done his best to forget all about that day.

- "Lily wouldn't talk to you anymore", Dumbledore continued as if to improve Snape's memory anyway, "Wouldn't even let you apologize. But at the same time she was also furious at James for what he had done to you. She wouldn't talk to either of you, leaving her with almost no friends left. Do you remember how she almost didn't return to school the next term?"

Snape closed his eyes as the memories flooded his mind once again. Yes, he remembered. It had been springtime when he called Lily a mudblood. They had all just finished their finals and were looking forward to their summer vacations. But when the vacations were over and the students returned to Hogwarts Lily was not among them.

It had worried Snape, because he hadn't seen her during the summer either like he used to. He'd even swallowed his pride and asked Potter if he knew where she was. But the Gryffindor-boy had not known. No one seemed to know where Lily Evans was. Rumors had it she had switched school because of the incident last year.

Snape tried to send her a letter to apologize but the owl returned with the letter untouched. Potter was equally unsuccessful in locating her. Tough this should have made him laugh he was too worried about his only childhood friend to feel happy about it. Any sign from her, even if it was for Potter, would have been enough for him.

In November she had suddenly returned to school. Her friends had asked her where she had been but she had just answered vaguely that there had been something she had to do. Snape tried to talk to her but she wouldn't even look at him, all the less speak to him.

- "By the end of that summer I received an owl from Lily", Dumbledore told him quietly. "She asked for a private meeting with me and I agreed to meet her at an inn in London. When I went there I had no idea of what she was so eager to tell me, but she had written in her letter that it was important."

Slowly the story was uncovered and Snape listened carefully, clinging to each and every word of what the headmaster was saying as he slowly understood the meaning of what was being told to him.


End file.
